S1 E1 • Bath of Beans

• Vicky is in trouble with her teacher for not handing in her essay. • Sebastian is jealous of the new Treasury aide. • Emily Howard goes to a pub. • Andy insists Lou takes him to the opera. • Children of Kelsey Grammer School take it in turns to read a novel. • Gary introduces Jason to his family. • The pianist wonders if he's still got the plastic bag he brought with him. • Kenny Craig takes a date to a Chinese restaurant. • Jeremy Rent has a part for Dennis Waterman in a play of Macbeth. • At Fat Fighters the buzz word for the day is 'Cravings'! • Ray McCooney is asked how he makes his soup. • Lou takes Andy to the swimming pool. • Daffyd Thomas' 'only gay' title is challenged by Old Ma Evans' new lodger. • Vicky's done her essay. • Two Minstrels, listen to anti-minstrel politician. • World Record Attempt - Most Beans in a Bath.

Première diffusion : 16 septembre 2003

S1 E2 • Tallest Man

• Daffyd realises his exclusive copy of the Gay Times has been sold and demands to know who too. • Lou is taking Andy out for dinner. Andy wants to go dressed as a Smurf, against Lou's better judgement. • Vicky is accused of pushing a young girl into a swimming pool. • At Kelsey Grammer school the boys are preparing to take a test. • Dr Lawrence is in his office informing an inspector how the Steven Spielberg institute is run. • Sebastian walks in while the PM is changing and pounces on him, claiming there's a sniper at the window. • Back at the institute Dr Lawrence is showing the inspector how Anne likes to look after the garden. • Back at Kelsey Grammer School the test continues while the teacher does a bit of vacuuming. • Lou is installing handle bars next to Andy's toilet so he can pull himself onto it when Lou isn't there. • Dame Sally Markham finishes 'The Lady in White' but it's only seventy-six pages long. • David Soul is asked to visit a sick child in hospital. • Marjorie defends Fat Fighters against an 'anonymous' tip off that the whole thing is just a scam. • Dr. Lawrence continues his tour in the canteen where Ann is doing her best to ruin their meals. • Jason performs the Heimlich manoeuvre on Gary's Nan... or at least we think that's what it was. • Back at school, the pupils battle through their test as the teacher sets off three fireworks in the classroom. • Clive is hoping his wife Liz will be quiet about her past claim to fame while they're at a restauant. • Les McKeown performs some songs for the sick child and her parents. • A retired police officer starts teaching driving lessons while still wearing his uniform. • The record attempters are attempting the world record for tallest man.

Première diffusion : 23 septembre 2003

S1 E3 • Hard-Boiled Egg Eating

• Sebastian reviews the PMs bad press after a recent bi-election. • Vicky's in a pub trying to buy alcoholic drinks for herself and her mates. • Lou's taken Andy to the seaside and is trying to buy him an ice cream. • At Kelsey Grammer school a pupil called 'Thorpe' has been moved down a year. • Kenny Craig is playing Scrabble with his Mum at the hospital. • The two Black-and-White Minstrels are trying to find accomadation. • After an informative debate about the fat content of dust, Marjorie introduces the group to her sister Barbara. • Back at Kelsey Grammer, there's new addition to the class. from the seventeenth century. • The Pianist stops his performance to check the time Sainsbury's supermarket shuts. • Daffyd's bored as he believes there's no social activities for gay people. Myfanwy proves him wrong. • Lou takes Andy to the video shop. • Emily Howard is renting out a room. • Sir Bernard Chumley greets an aspiring young actor - Joe. • Ray McCooney has a very satisfied customer... well he was. • Kelsey Grammer school has another new boy... here boy! Fetch! • Dame Sally tries to finish off a book by extending words of quotes by several letters. • Denver Mills has been booked to promote Hug-a-Leper week. • World Record Attempters attempt to eat the most hard boiled eggs.

Première diffusion : 30 septembre 2003

S1 E4 • Most Cigarettes in a Mouth

• Daffyd goes to get a hair cut but his usual Hair Dresser is off. • Emily Florence is having an X-Ray. • Lou is about to take Andy home from the pub, Andy insists that he doesn't need to go to the toilet first. • Dr Lawrence shows, Dr Beagrie how Anne fits perfectly into the job of Librarian. • Vicky Pollard's in court charged with shoplifting. • Matthew Waterhouse has a multitude of ideas for a kiss-a-gram agency. • At Kelsey Grammer school, the teacher asks the pupils some hard maths/history questions. • Sandra Patterson enters her son Ralph into an audition for a commercial. • Back at the library, Anne 'processes' a book. • Des Kaye is stopped from selling his videos and attacking a customer with a crocodile puppet. • Anne's finished her shift at the library. • Royal correspondant Peter Andre is sacked from the BBC. • Lou offers Andy a chocolate. • At the opera, a man suffers a heart attack. Luckily April and Neville are on hand. • Ray has some rather fussy American tourists, who keep asking questions, not a good idea when Ray McCooney's concerned. • Miss Grace is shocked that Dame Sally is actually dictating a story that could actually sell. • Dennis Waterman seems to have gotten over his 'Write the theme tune, sing the theme tune' stage and actually signs a contract. • Liz is pushed out of the lime light by a stranger who claims he went to school with Paul McCartney. • The world record attempters are attempting the most cigarettes smoked at once.

Première diffusion : 7 octobre 2003

S1 E5 • Biggest House of Cards

• Vicky Pollard is summoned to the governess' office for biting Jackie Hayes. • Andy insists Lou buys him a snake. • The Prime Minister holds a politcal press conference with some unusual people. • Marjorie expresses her views on liposuction. • Samantha asks Edward how much he loves her... and gets a very detailed answer. • At Kelsey Grammer School a young boy has an interview with a new Robot careers advisor. • Lou takes Andy to the Library. • As things start to look romantic, Edward asks Samantha to draw the curtains... • Bernard gets meals on wheels for sister Kitty. • Peter Andre tries to sneak into a royal garden party. • Kenny Craig sells videos at a car boot sale. • Matthew Waterhouse tries to impress a leading theatrical producer • Daffyd visits the Llandewi Breffi Sexual Health Clinic. • Denver Mills stands in for Fatima Whitbread at a school. • Lou takes Andy up many hospital stairs. • Eilene is comforting her bereaved sister Janet. • At DIY universe, The new boy Kieran unwittingly asks Des Kaye about the Bubble Twins. • World Record Attempt for a House of Cards.

Première diffusion : 14 octobre 2003

S1 E6 • Smallest Ant

• The Prime Minister is having a meeting with the Chancellor of the Exchequer. • ITV have want Dennis Waterman to reprise all his roles from Minder. • In Darkly Noone, Dr Alban diagnoses Vicky as being eight months pregnant. • At the Annual Police Federation Dinner, Denver Mills has been booked to give an after-dinner speech. • Lou's taken Andy to the newsagent to pick out a birthday card for his brother Declan. • Marjorie bumps into Paul and Meera at the supermarket. • Ray's got the TV Repair man in and tries to give the most crpyitcal explanation of what happened. • Dr Lawrence has taken Anne home with him. • Des Kaye bumps into his former boss Robin Dee and Dicky Bubble. • Lou and Andy look at holiday destinations, Andy insists he wants to go to Helsinki. • At Kelsey Grammer school, Mr Cleeves reads out some messages. • Sandra and Ralph Patterson break into the offices of the Royal Shakespeare company. • Back at Dr Lawrence's home Anne has some creative uses for egg and tuna sandwiches. • The pianist stops playing when he realises he's forgotten to set his video recorder to tape Room 101. • Dame Sally adlibs a plot involving a character reciting the entire Bible. • Matthew Waterhouse gatecrashes a board room meeting with a trolley full of ideas for breakfast cereals. • It's Maria's funeral, Lou's being as gentle as he can with Andy. • In a charity shop a lady is asking the store owners if anyone died in various items of colthing. • Dr Lawrence and the children are playing outside and Anne's busy throwing objects out of an upstairs window. • Emily Howard's at the seaside having a hard time convincing various people he's a lady. • The World Record Attempters exhibit the world's smallest ant.

Première diffusion : 21 octobre 2003

S1 E7 • Largest Mince Pie

• Vicky Pollard gets a visit from a social worker. • At Fat Fighters Marjorie and Paul try to forget the night before. • Lou paints Andy's bedroom red. • Daffyd's gay night is a success. • Sir Bernard's sister kitty is dead, well maybe. • New term at Kelsy Grammar school. • Ralph Patterson auditions for Bugsy Malone. • PM and Sebastian discuss the Party Conference speech. • Jason and Gary visit Gary's Nan, there is then toe sucking. • World record attempters make largest mince pie.

Première diffusion : 28 octobre 2003

S1 E8 • Most People in a Mini

• Emily Howard helps to fix an ice cream van. • Daffyd discovers Myfanwy's Lesbonic secret. • Vicky Pollard gives a speech to her ex-school mates. • Lou and Andy have a bonfire. • Boris babysits. • Kelsey Grammer School have a crips exam. • At Ye Olde Hotel Ray's tax payments are overdue. • Dame Sally gets to Miss Grace type the Radio. • At Fat Fighters, Mrs Harrison from Head Office attends and Marjorie is sacked. • Concert pianist stops to read a text message. • Michael meets the Italian Prime Minister. • World Record Attempters go for Most people in a Mini.

Première diffusion : 4 novembre 2003